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Home » getting personal » Saying Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

Posted on by Emily 31 Comments. This post may contain affiliate links. Clicking and purchasing through them helps to keep the great content coming your way, thanks! Find all my favorite items in my Amazon SHOP HERE. Posts written in collaboration of Brother as a Brother Brand Ambassador.

I posted this on our personal blog yesterday… I thought I would share it here as well since I have been vocal about our adoption plans. You can read more here and here..

Today we said goodbye to the girl we thought would be our daughter… It’s hard to explain this type of loss. It’s not like a child has died, but it kind of feels that way. She will still be alive, living in Europe with her forever family. But, the family of five that we had been planning to have in a few months will not be.
 
When we first found out in November that something, somewhere had gone terribly wrong with our adoption we were just devastated. {and angry!} It was like I had been dreaming of life with this little girl for more than 6 months and BAM, just like that the dream was over. We knew that China was unpredictable, we knew that things weren’t 100% for sure, but everything had been going so well, we had given our hearts fully to this girl. It’s very hard to feel so helpless in the situation as well. There is just nothing you can DO. I’ve experienced loss through miscarriage before… and for me, this has been SO.MUCH.WORSE. Not to minimize the loss of any child, but I already knew what her face looked like… I already knew her spunky personality, we already have smiles, and kisses and memories of her… and now she’s gone. We had already carried her in our hearts for 6 months.
 
It was good for me to see her one last time. She was here {in Hong Kong}  for a medical check up and we know the family taking care of her. It was also super sad to see her again, but I hope for all of us this will help us to move on. It still hurts… We have been praying with the boys that YiLi will have a wonderful life with her new family and I really do pray that for her.
 
She was sleeping today when we saw her. All tired out from a long morning at church. It was still good to see her sweet face and for the boys to get a chance to say good-bye.
 
We appreciate your prayers as we grieve this loss and also continue to move forward with our adoption dream. I’ll write more on this later, but we have switched agencies since this all happened and continue to cling to our passion to add to our family through adoption. We are continuing to pray that God will bless us with a daughter from China.
 
Good-bye little one.. we love you!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Cathy @ Our Mini Family says

    I am sorry you are having to deal with this–I cannot fathom what you are going through, but I can empathize with your situation for sure. I will pray for you and your family and for her.

    xo
    ~Cathy~
    OurMiniFamily.com

    Reply

  2. Jen @ Simple Nails and Beauty says

    Emily, there are just not enough words. My heart breaks for you. Not that someone as awesome as you would have ever been to my personal blog (West Street Story), but if you have, you may have seen some of my story. My husband and I are also in the middle of the adoption process and what you are going through is one of my biggest fears. I will pray for you, pray for your family, and pray for that little girl.

    Reply

    • Emily says

      thank you! There are no words that can help, but we’ve felt very supported by people around us, so that has made easier. Thanks for taking the time to leave your sweet comment. I will pray all goes smoothly with your adoption..

  5. Dianna L. says

    Emily, I’m so sorry the adoption didn’t work out. I know how much you were looking forward to it. You and your family are in my thoughts! I hope 2015 brings you the little girl you’re wanting!

    Reply

    • Emily says

      thank you! There are no words that can help, but we’ve felt very supported by people around us, so that has made easier. Thanks for taking the time to leave your sweet comment.

  7. Amy mayen says

    I’m sorry to hear it Em. How very devastating. Im praying for your hearts to be lifted, although that seem,s like an incredible thing to ask for…you are in my thoughts.

    Reply

    • Emily says

      thank you! There are no words that can help, but we’ve felt very supported by people around us, so that has made easier. Thanks for taking the time to leave your sweet comment.

  10. Karyn says

    I am so sorry to hear of your hardship. This situation just really stinks. I hope that you find peace and are able to stay in touch with her. She will forever be a part of your family even if she isn’t living with you.

    Reply

    • Emily says

      thank you! There are no words that can help, but we’ve felt very supported by people around us, so that has made easier. Thanks for taking the time to leave your sweet comment.

  11. Anne Maskell says

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your darling little girl. Loss of any kind is never easy, but this is so much more heartbreaking. I will have your family, including little YiLi in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and each other, share lots of hugs and kisses, and even though it is incredibly difficult, remember to laugh together.

    Reply

    • Emily says

      thank you! There are no words that can help, but we’ve felt very supported by people around us, so that has made easier. Thanks for taking the time to leave your sweet comment.

  14. Aida@TheCraftingFoodie says

    Emily, I’m so sorry to hear about your hardship. My heart feels heavy just reading about your experience, so I can’t imagine what it must feel like to actually go through it. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you love!

    Reply

    • Emily says

      thank you! There are no words that can help, but we’ve felt very supported by people around us, so that has made easier. Thanks for taking the time to leave your sweet comment.

  15. Apple Pie at Sisterswives.com says

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t image something like that happening. I feel for you and for the little girl. I hope that you can find success if you go through this process again. I also hope her new family cherishes her like you have. She is fortunate to have so much love at such a young age.

    Reply

  16. Tara says

    Oh, Emily. I am so sorry for you and your family. That must be so hard to endure (especially since it sounds like you have a connection with her and her current caregivers).

    I wish you a peaceful and restful holiday season. I’m so sorry, friend.

    Reply

    • Emily says

      thank you! There are no words that can help, but we’ve felt very supported by people around us, so that has made easier. Thanks for taking the time to leave your sweet comment.

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